Life is unfair. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason for the horrible things that happen to some people and why some people are touched by tragedy again and again while others breeze through, seemingly without a care under the wings of lady luck.
So far, I am one of the latter lucky creatures and I am fully aware of my luck and good fortune and am grateful beyond belief. The kind of grateful that doesn’t need to be kept track of in a grateful diary or Facebook daily list. So very grateful, yet always waiting for the other shoe to fall, wondering when my luck is due to run out.
I’m not a religious person. At all. So I don’t have a God to thank for my blessings, and if I did, I would and then I would ask why the hell my friends don’t have the same good fortune. Why me? Why am I so lucky? Why can’t I suffer some burden to lessen some of what is going on in the lives of those I love. Where is the balance?
But there is no balance. It’s all random. The luck train carries the lucky and runs over others and then backs up to hit them again, and again. We say things like “surely, your luck will change” or “you must have earned enough good karma now, something great must be just around the corner”. We don’t know shit. It’s all random. So cruelly random.
Just this week I have friends going through the toughest of shit, none of which are my stories to tell, and I can’t even touch on the shit to let you, the reader, know what they are dealing with because I don’t want it to seem that I am using their shit to get my sympathies. I am not that person. Suffice it to say they are all dealing with the worst of the toughest shit. Real shit. I don’t mean “drama”. I actively avoid the drama seekers. You know the type. They seek out and attract problems and drama and never stop complaining about the drama – so much drama. They are the people that don’t seem to realise how good they actually have it.
As I sit here waiting for my third baby to arrive, I feel so guilty with all my good fortune. I am lucky to even be having this baby. All of my kids are amazing blessings that I didn’t even know that I wanted. I really hope my luck continues with the health of this baby. I may not be religious, but I am often superstitious which is ridiculous. I feel I have been so blessed that how could I possibly be allowed to have even more? How can this good fortune continue? Is no one in charge here? Do I throw salt or spit left? How do I keep this good thing going? There is no control. It’s all random. I am living the dream and am surrounded only by happiness and love. So incredibly lucky. And really, ridiculously grateful at what random has thrown my way.