It’s been a full month since we gave up Leo to be re-homed.
It was a really hard decision to make and one that came with a lot of guilt. Even though it was definitely the best decision for our family and for Leo, we felt really shit about doing it. We have judged other people for giving up their pets. The universe in all it’s wisdom, likes to punish me for judging people by putting me in the same position as those I have judged. This is teaching me that I should not judge because no one really has any idea what other people are going through and why they make the decisions they do.
Anyway…. after the decision was made, we needed to make arrangements and there was a LOT of crying. Big fat tears and ugly scrunched up face crying with much snot. It felt worse than when Azrael died. Such a deep pain.
The truth is, we wouldn’t be re-homing him if I wasn’t having another baby. This tiny house and that big dog and a tiny baby and all the dog hair. Argghh. I had been advised to make him an outside dog. I couldn’t do that. I would rather see him go to a different home than to banish him to outside. Leo is not an outside dog.
I took Leo to the pet shelter myself and cried the entire time. It was very, very shit. I worried about how long he would be there before being adopted. I worried that he would fret. I felt really sad and shit about everything.
After the paper work was signed and money paid, there was nothing left to do but to say goodbye. I patted his head and caressed his ridiculously soft caramel ears in my hands one final time as I choked out my goodbye and walked away.
Sitting in my car outside, I tried to compose myself enough to drive home. I could see the back gate of the pet shelter in my wing mirror. Then I see Leo in my wing mirror. He is being walked by a couple. I know that he needs to go to the vet for a full check up – it’s part of the pet shelter’s policy and he’s due for his flu vaccine too, so I’m sure that’s where these people are taking him…. So I stalk them… as you do. Slowly driving on a parallel street, parking ahead a little bit and watching in my mirror through big fat tears and body heaving sobs. Completely normal behaviour right? Right.
I stalked and watched until he was at the vet. I ugly cried some more and then drove home.
For the next few days I stalked the pet shelter’s website and Facebook page, waiting for his advert to go up. After three days, I still hadn’t seen his ad. Nothing! Until I checked the “recently adopted” page. He had already been adopted! I was thrilled. It looks like he spent only one night at the shelter and then someone took him home. They paid quite a handsome adoption fee too!
I know that this house is much calmer without him and I am calmer and overall, this is a much happier house without any pets. I can bring a baby home without worrying about all the things I was worrying about. I can deal with the high possibility of another trip down PND lane without the added stress of having Leo around.
I hope Leo is getting the love and attention he needs and deserves. I hope his ears are getting stroked and I hope he is getting lots of walks and playtime and tummy rubs and has all the toys to chew.
Saying goodbye was the right decision but that doesn’t make the tears go away. We still miss him.