Millar missed the first six months of kindergarten in Australia because of our stay in India. He did go to school for a few months in Chennai though and he is pretty clever with his reading and writing, so I wasn’t concerned that we were depriving him of academic advancement by delaying his kindergarten start date by half a year.
I knew he might need some time to catch up socially though, and kindergarten or preschool is the perfect place for that right?
Two weeks into the term and I was doing my parent help duty thingo and the teacher approached me and suggested that Millar should repeat the year of kindergarten instead of going on to school next year. The reasons she gave were that when he laughs at something, he laughs for ages and can’t seem to control it and also he holds scissors funny when cutting.
WTF?
I didn’t say that to her, of course and not just because speaking in three letter acronyms is douchey. What I did say is that by all means, put his name down to repeat next year and we will also enrol him in primary school and see where he is at come December.
What I was actually thinking was: “piss off lady, my son is going to school next year because that is what is happening and I’m not letting the fact that he laughs too long for your liking hold him back from school.”
My husband and I are from New Zealand and it is in our DNA that you start school on your fifth birthday whether you are “ready” or not. So maybe that had something to do with my knee-jerk reaction… There was also the fact that I was already looking forward to having Millar out of the house for six hours a day.
Then over the next week I started to wonder if maybe she was right – ya know, because she IS qualified to make that recommendation and has seen a LOT of kids etc etc…
I also have friends with kids born around the same time of year, March/April, that have decided to hold their kids back until the following year and they all have their own very well thought out and researched reasons which are unique to each child so it wasn’t as if I was against the idea completely.
Millar is on the small side for his age and I started to wonder if he would be better off starting school a year later simply for that reason. But now the teacher had me worried about his emotional regulation and his social skills. Millar is a bit of a loner sometimes… but maybe that is just who he is. An extra year of kindergarten will not change that and the emotional stuff will sort itself out wont it?
Then I talked to some trusted friends with school age kids and they helped me see that my initial reaction was correct. The kindergarten teacher had only known my son for two weeks at the time of her recommendation. She hasn’t had time to see fully how awesome he is (yes I am THAT parent).
My friends also assured me that scissor skills are not in the HSC exam and that some adults can’t even cut a straight line without sticking their tongue out yet they manage to contribute to society just fine. Which was my light-bulb moment. How did I miss this? Millar does not do anything weird with his mouth while using scissors! No wonder he can’t use them correctly.
With a little practice in how to hold his tongue, his scissor skills have improved immensely, thus securing his future as a tailor, hairdresser or Play School presenter (although I think you have to be on Home and Away before you get that gig.)
Now the issue with laughing too much? Yes, lets sort that out immediately. I’m going to teach my son to stifle his emotions and second guess his feelings… Oh wait! That’s a stupid idea!! I think I will just keep enjoying his laughter and marvel that he has an awesome sense of humour and has the freedom at this age to crack up completely.
Have you decided to keep your child back from starting school? Have you gone against a teacher’s recommendations and decided that you are the expert when it comes to your child? Do you think I’m one of those annoying parents that should listen to the teacher? Do you think I ask too many questions at the end of a blog post?
I love this post and the way you write – have I said that before?!! Honestly, the only thing I would ask if I were you would be to the new school and it would be about the ages of the other children enrolled. This is just because I keep hearing from friends with school aged kids that there is a trend to send kids older in Melbourne (which is diff to my experience in Sydney where the cut off is June). If he was going to be the youngest in the class by several months and the only one who was that young then I might talk that through with the school but as for his “readiness” you are the best person to see that (and I personally have appreciated being able to speak to friends who school aged kids about Bliss and her readiness – people who know her well and who I trusted to help me see anything I was missing by parental blindness…). These are just my thoughts as a fellow parent of a similar aged child thinking through the same things as you…
thank you. That is really good advice too. Another thing that has been delayed by India, is us enrolling Millar into a school and I’m now waiting for Husband to take a day off work so we can go and do that. I will remember to ask that question when we do!
Comeing from me a person who probably has the same educations status as that teacher i can tell you she is wrong. You can’t hold a child back because he is laughing to long. And scissor skills are learnt in kindi (or primary what ever state your in). Its not a thing I would tell a parent to hold their child back from big school. What I would be looking for is social skills, Language skills and other independent skills.
If your son is reading and writing that is way more then others can do when they start big school. You are right to just send in off to big school next year.
yeah. thanks.
I’ll get a scissor tutor in so he can ace that year one scissor test. lol
My older son was born in January, so theoretically I could have held him back. His kindergarten teacher and the pre-school field officer both suggested that we keep him back for another year. Since I wasn’t convinced, I sought independent advice from a developmental psychologist, who after assessing his IQ told me that he was exceptionally bright and the reason he did not behave like other kids his age, was because he wasn’t. Had I kept him back a year, his behaviour would have got even worse, due to boredom.
So I sent him to school and he did just fine. While his social skills are not fantastic, this is just who he is. I may have a little geek in the making, but an extra year in kinder would not have changed that. Good on you for listening to your instinct. You know your child better than anyone.
exactly! bored is much worse than scissor challenged.
Well, I always think that yes, we know our own kids better than anyone, but we don’t really get to see what they’relike when they’re not with us.so I would say that the childs teachers opinion should be considered. However, on this occasion, there is still five months until school starts next year, and the preschool teachers should be focusing on skills required for school. I went to a school readiness evening last week run by the senior teachers at my daughters school and they did talk about giving you child lotsnof practice cutting and glueing and doing crafty thi gs. The preschool both my children went to focused a lot on this as well. My little boy who is going to school next year has only just sorted his pencil grip out, but it has beeb something that his preschool teachers have been working with him since the beginning of the year.
very true. I will definitely seek her opinion when it’s been more than 24 hours of kinder. I think he takes time to adjust to new environments too.
Millar’s pencil grip is just fine too… his scissor grip is a bit gammy, He hasn’t much scissor practice due to us just not having scissors around.
He’s catching up now though and cutting up my junk mail like a boss.
I’ll have to stock up on crafty stuff this week I think. yay…
OUr kindy teacher was very concerned that my daughter (miss four) didn’t hold her scissors correctly.
I’m not bothered.
I didn’t tell her I don’t let the little madam have scissors since she cut a big hole in something very expensive and her lack of skills didn’t slow her down one bit at that time.
Six months is a huge time in kid-time. He’ll be a whole new boy in six months.
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