I used to be quite the social butterfly. Life of the party, last to leave, you know the type. I would talk to people with ease into the wee hours. I loved it all. Loved meeting new people. Loved every second of socialising.
Since returning from India I have been to three events where I have been surrounded by people. My people, my tribe of bloggers, yet I felt completely overwhelmed and out of my depth.
Conversations have been hard work. I hear my own voice as strange and forced and then I hear what I’m saying and I am bored by my words and very aware that all I talk about is India. I just can’t seem to get away from it. On and on I go. “Shut Up Toushka!” the dying butterfly screams! “you are boring EVERYBODY.”
I retreat back into myself and stare at my phone until I can leave. Pretending to be otherwise engaged but feeling completely alone.
What happened to me? Pretty sure I used to be funny and fun to be around… Maybe I never was and it is only now that I can actually see how horribly awkward I actually am.
Or maybe India and the six months of isolation has caused my social muscle to atrophy. I don’t know.
There I go again – blah blah blah India. I need some new stuff to talk about.