I used to be quite the social butterfly. Life of the party, last to leave, you know the type. I would talk to people with ease into the wee hours. I loved it all. Loved meeting new people. Loved every second of socialising.
Since returning from India I have been to three events where I have been surrounded by people. My people, my tribe of bloggers, yet I felt completely overwhelmed and out of my depth.
Conversations have been hard work. I hear my own voice as strange and forced and then I hear what I’m saying and I am bored by my words and very aware that all I talk about is India. I just can’t seem to get away from it. On and on I go. “Shut Up Toushka!” the dying butterfly screams! “you are boring EVERYBODY.”
I retreat back into myself and stare at my phone until I can leave. Pretending to be otherwise engaged but feeling completely alone.
What happened to me? Pretty sure I used to be funny and fun to be around… Maybe I never was and it is only now that I can actually see how horribly awkward I actually am.
Or maybe India and the six months of isolation has caused my social muscle to atrophy. I don’t know.
There I go again – blah blah blah India. I need some new stuff to talk about.
Toushka, firstly, I LOVE you. Secondly, I love hearing your talk about India. I grew up in Asia and it forms a huge part of my history and who I am. When I came to Australia when I was 14 I felt that I couldn’t talk about anything – for fear of boring people or just because it was so different to what anyone around me could understand. I’m no diagnostic social anthropologist here, but I sense you may be experiencing cultural assimilation (or reverse culture shock). You’ve just experienced something HUGE and it took you and your emotions to another planet (almost). I’m hoping with time and lots of kindness your social butterfly will want to flutter again. xx
thank you my love. xxx
I dunno, I reckon people are interested in India.
Either that, or you’re obviously hanging out with the wrong crowd
thanks. I probably need to stick to smaller groups of people.
Agree.. And agree!
What V said.
I love talking to you when we get to catch up (not enough!).
Give yourself some time to re-adjust. You are fabulous.
xox
Thanks Kate. we should catch up again soon.
Not me! I wish you were my neighbour x
aww thanks so much.
Well I’d never met you until last night but I was really interested to hear about India – hopefully I didn’t bore you by asking about it!
oh gosh no! it was lovely to meet you Carli. Did I look as “deer in the headlights” as I felt? so many people!
Not at all but I felt a little the same!
You ARE awesome and funny. I have hilarious and very vivid memories of hanging outside AusBlogCon with you in hysterics.
You’ve had six months of conversations that were limited to mostly toddlers – so yeah, maybe it atrophied a bit and you just need to work it out to get it back?
Are there personal trainers for that?
That’s it! I could talk for hours about disney movies! I got the toddler topics sorted.
I don’t think there are personal trainers for this but once I heal myself, I am totally going into business with you as social muscle trainers…
hmm.. we might need a better name.
Without trying to sound like a pop psychologist ,sometimes it’s simply okay to be in a room with people and be part of the event without doing the doing! You will often be remembered for that one witty remark and judging from your blogs you would seem to have an endless supply. Perhaps you need a day out with Tick The Box the wind in your hair, the sun in your face mixed with some old fashioned fun and laughter the invitation is as you say ” in the mail!”.
I think that’s exactly what I need! or the tick the box pyjama party!
maybe my social muscle has also diminished over the last two years I have been staying at home, but I never tire of talking/ hearing about babies! I’m assuming India is a baby and not a country
.
lol. no, India is the country, not a baby in this instance. Staying at home can be pretty isolating too though.
Personally I love hearing about India! I agree with Deb, it’s a massive culture shock you have been through and also a huge amount of isolation – it seems to make sense to me that adjusting back to hanging out with people, especially in groups, would be full on for you. Allow yourself time lovely xx
I think I need to design a cultural re-entry training plan. By summer, my social muscles will be ripped and ready!
Well, I have always thought you awesome and someone I want to be around, stand next to and learn more about anytime I’ve ever seen you. Your going to India would have only enhanced that, not reduce the feeling. I like the comment back up there ^^ from V about it possibly being the crowd you’re finding yourself in? I always found it hard at any time to fit in with work colleagues if I was truly being “myself”…. xx I think you’re wonderful
Thank you Kirrily. You are an amazing lady and I do not see enough of you.
Oh, I would’ve loved to have heard about your 6 months in India at dinner last Friday! But I guess as some of the others have said, it would be a huge adjustment coming back here!
Darling beautiful Toushka, I love speaking to you both pre and post India xxx